1. Phone conversations are over in 30 sec flat
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female
3. You know stuff about tanks
4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
5. Monday night football
6. You don’t have to monitor your friend’s sex lives
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter
8. You can open all of your own jars
9. Old friends don’t give a crap whether you have lost or
gained weight
10. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind
11. When checking through the channels, you don’t
have to stall at every shot of somebody crying
12. Your act is never a factor in a job interview
13. All your orgasms are real
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex
15. Guy in hockey mask don’t attack you unless you are playing
hockey
16. You don’t have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere
you go
17. You understand why the movie “stripes” is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group
20. Your last name stays put
21. When your work is criticized, you don’t
have to panic that everyone secretly hates you
22. You can kill your own food
23. The garage is all yours
24. You can get extra credit for slightest act of thought fullness.
25. You see the humor in “Terms of endearment “
26 Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow
27. You never hate to clean a toilet
28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputations
30. Wedding plans takes care of themselves
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something he or she can
still be
your friend
your friend
32. Your underwear is $ 10 for a three pack
33. The national college cheers landing championship
34. None
of your co-workers has the power to make you cry
35. You
don’t have to shave below your neck
36. You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night
37. If you are 34 and single, nobody even notices
38. You can write your name in snow
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest
40 Everything on your face gets stay, its original color
41. Chocolate is just another snack
42. You can be President
43. You can quickly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat
44. Flowers fix everything
45. You never have to worry about other people feelings
46 You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours
47. You can wear a white shirt
to a water park
48. Three pair of shoes is
more than enough
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think
51. Foreplay is optional
52. Micheal Bolton doesn’t live in your universe
53. Nobody stops telling good dirty joke when you walk into a room
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
55. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter readers
coming by
56 You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid
57 Car mechanics tell you
the truth
58 You don’t give a rats butt if anyone notices your new hair
cut
59 You can quietly watch
a game with your buddy
for hours without
ever thinking “ he must be mad at me “
60 The world is your urinal
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statement
to mean your lover is about to leave you
62. You get the jump up and slap stuff
63. Hot wax never comes your public area
64. One mood, all the time
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving
yourself to look like him
66. You never have to drive on to another gas
station because this one is just too gross
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a bear bottle
68. You can’t sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing
69. Some work … more pay
70. Gray hair and wrinkle only
add character
71. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
adjustment
adjustment
72. Wedding dress $2000, tuxedo rental: $ 75
73. You don’t care if someone’s talking about you behind your back
74. With 400 million spares shot, you could
double the earth population in 15 tries,
at least in theory.
75. You don’t mooch off others desserts
76. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen
77. The remote control is yours and yours alone
78. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them
79. ESPN is sport centre
80. You can dropsy to see a friend without having to bring a
little gift
81. Bachelor parties whom pass over bridal shower
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeepers imaging you naked.
84. You needn’t pretend you are “freshening up” to go to the
bathroom
85. If you don’t call your buddy when you say
you will, he won’t feel your other friends you have changed
86. Someday you will be
a dirty
old man .
87. You can’t rationalize your behavior with the handy phrase “screw
it”
88. If another guy shows up
at the party in the
same outfit, you just might become
lifelong buddies
89. Princess Diana’s death was just another obituary
90. The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity
because you are not in the mood
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny
93. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you
can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room
94. New show don’t blister, cut and mangle your feet
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind
96. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and
anniversaries
97. Not liking a person want stops you from having a great sex
with them
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So notice
anything
different”
different”
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere
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