ORIGIN OF ETIQUETTES
1. Etiquette: Sign or ‘etiquette’ at the court of Lois XIV, saying “Keep off the grass” later days meaning ‘ticket’ to court functions giving directives on where to stand and what to do (Or French for ‘conduct’ or practice of good breeding in society, deemed of greater importance, in 16th century France, then bathing). “Etiquette” also believed desired from verb ‘estiquer’ (to attach); first become. “I’ etiquette” or list of rules attached to posts in palace courtyards.
2. While one cannot state exactly where and when it all began the east, interestingly was a lot more refined than the west. One of the theories is that the many rules of the etiquette were created for the entertainment of bored nobles at the French court. The idea of etiquette began with the tradition of generosity and hospitality. Formal behaviour, originating from France England
WHAT IS ETIQUETTE?
3. Etiquette is the system of rules and conventions that regulate social and professional behaviors. In any social unit there are norms of behaviors mandated by custom and enforced by group pressure while an offender may face no trail for its breach, the penalty lies in the disapproval of others. However following describe etiquette: -
(a) Etiquette/Etiket (noun): The customary code of polite behaviors in society or among members of a particular profession or group.
(b) Etiquette is not just about doing or saying. It’s about being. It’s an attitude that makes other and yours life easier.
(c) Etiquette is not about being rigidly stuck with in the confines of rules.
(d) Etiquettes need to be internalized and make a regular part of our behaviors, till it becomes second nature.
(e) Etiquettes is not a sign of weakness, it is a mark of class (you’re not polite solely for the others sake, but for your own sake as well. Among other things you are building up your own social skills).
WHY ETIQUETTE?
4. Etiquettes are must for following reasons: -
(a) By practicing it, you show respect.
(b) Because small things make a big difference.
(c) To facilitate smoother relationships.
(d) Because a lot of bad behaviors is unintentional.
FIVE KEY WORDS
5. The cruse of the etiquettes lies in following five key words: -
(a) Hello
(b) Please
(c) Thank you
(d) Sorry
(e) Well done
WHY GOOD MANNERS
6. Good manners must be part of grooming and are essential for reasons given below: -
(a) Good manners are important at home and in public.
(b) Helps family, friends, colleagues etc.
(c) Put others at ease and make them more cooperative.
(d) Patterned on courtesy and kindness towards others.
(e) Helps one stay in control of actions and behaviors.
THE OLAF FORMULA
7. Observe
Listen
Ask
Follow
OBSERVING THE FORMULA
8. Follow
Observe
Respect
Moderation
Underplay
Listen
Acknowledge
POISE, NOT PERFECTION
9. Instead of attempting to display affection in all aspects of etiquette, which would be near impossible, it would be more practiced to act with poise, civility and bearing politeness doesn’t cost you anything and gets you everything.
BASIS GUIDELINES
10. Be friendly
Be Polite
Be helpful
Be genuine
Be prepared
Be soft spoken
Be composed
Be low profile
THE 3 ‘R’S OF ETIQUETTE
11. Respect, Restrain, Reciprocate.
12. Manners matter, they help build confidence in terms of knowing what to do in different situations.
SIMPLE TEST
13. Ask, “How would I feel under the circumstances?”
MAJOR “NO – NO’S, THE UNLUCKY 13
14. (a) Not keeping your words.
(b) Inconveniencing the client.
(c) Being obnoxious.
(d) Being late.
(e) Holding back information.
(f) Personal Hygiene.
(g) Slovenly appearance
(h) Sexiest or racist remarks.
(j) Dirty bathrooms.
(k) Physical contact.
(l) Disrespecting raised cows.
15. In unfamiliar situations use common sense and good judgments.
GOLDEN RULES
16. (a) Do unto others……….
(b) Value the others time
(c) Like the customer, the visitor is king.
(d) While in Rome
(e) Smile naturally. Don’t grimace, just smile.
(f) Drop the accent.
(g) Don’t take enthusiasm.
(h) Engage mind before putting mouth in gear.
(j) Sincerity shows, unfortunately so does insincerity.
(k) When you’re with someone, actually be with him.
(l) You don’t have to be funny.
(m) Honesty is the best policy after life insurance.
(n) Silence is OK too.
EARLY DAYS
“A man’s manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait.”
- Goethe
THE ART OF INTRODUCTION
17. The preliminary step in meeting another individual or in bringing two individuals together for the first time. Introductions are imperative for furthering the relationship. How one comes across in the first meeting plays a major role in determining how one is sized up, evaluated and whether the other wishes to continue the acquaintance.
18. ON BEING INTRODUCED
(a) Smile, make eye contact, give your name, shake firmly.
(b) Imprint the name firmly in your mind.
(c) If you’re forgotten, ask again (Next time, remember)
(d) If inaudible, ask to repeat.
(e) Spell out (or shorten) your own name if necessary.
(f) “Hello” is better than “Hi” the first time.
(g) When necessary, introduce yourself.
(h) Don’t greet someone more enthusiastically than others.
(j) Pick up leads and continue conversations.
(k) Keeps self introductions ready, a brief statement about yourself and what you do.
(l) You don’t get second chance to make first impression.
19. ON MAKING INTRODUCTION
(a) Pronounce the name correctly.
(b) Introduce a new comer to the group.
(c) Follows the hierarchy of introductions. Introduce less important to more important. Add a little about the person.
(d) Mention something two portions have in common.
(e) Introduce everyone without leaving anyone out.
(f) Do not introduce when not necessary.
20. HIERARCHY OF INTRODUCTION
(a) Less important to more important
(b) Highest rank official introduced first.
(c) Subordinate to superior.
(d) Man to woman.
(e) Younger to older.
(f) Insider to outsider.
21. EARLY DAYS
A gentleman must be careful introducing someone he does not know well to a lady friend in his acquaintance. He may ask, there is a chap here named ‘X’ who would like to meet you, shall I introduces you?” To which, the young lady may reply, “Please do” or “I’d rather not.”
CONVERSATION “THE LOST SKILL”
22. Although supposed by most basic of social skills, requiring apparently no special acumen or know-how, sorely do people realise the importance of conversing well while speaking and listening are often thought to be inversely related with each other being at the expense of the other, in reality, they need to be balanced with more, weight given to latter. Everyone has a strong to tell or is looking for an audience. All one needs to do most of the time is just be there for them.
22. FIGURE OF SPEECH
(a) Speech & language define who you are.
(b) Speech is the window of intellect.
(c) Bad or vulgar speech patterns stuck out a mile.
(d) Speech is of prime importance in work and relationship as you begin the social experiment of life.
23. ON CONVERSING WELL MAINTAINED
(a) Be well read in general.
(b) Be upto date on issues.
(c) Know your product & market well.
(d) Equip yourself with a wide base of knowledge.
(e) Don’t race, pause often.
(f) Keep your wits about you.
24. SOME DO’S
(a) Relax, if you do, so will the other person.
(b) Speak in short simple sentences free of jargon.
(c) Focus on the person you are talking to.
(d) Adhere to the topic of discussion.
(e) Talk about things which are agreeable to the listener.
(f) Inquire about the other person.
(g) Practice the art of tactful under statement.
(h) Exercise tact and restraint while speaking.
(j) Humour is fine, as long as it is not offensive.
(k) Fill in late comers on what is being discussed.
(l) Pause if someone’s phone rings in mid conversation.
(m) Establish a link for future meeting, if desired.
25. SOME DON’TS
(a) Don’t be crude, loud, and obnoxious.
(b) Don’t take the accent.
(c) Resist repeating yourself.
(d) Refrain from voicing strong opinion.
(e) Don’t let your attention wander.
(f) Avoid looking over the persons shoulder.
(g) Try not to say anything insensitive or embarrassing.
(h) Don’t appear self opiniated, cynical or all knowing.
(j) Shun generalization, swearing, off colour jokes.
(k) Steer clear of bluffing, if not sure of something.
(l) Don’t speak in a language that al can’t follow.
(m) Avoid “door slammers” or strongly contradictory.
26. Special Pointers
(a) Speak only when necessary.
(b) If not sure, admit it.
(c) Eye contact should be direct not intense.
(d) Choose a topic that interests everyone.
(e) Don’t indulge in name dropping.
(f) Don’t impose your point of view on others.
(g) Venture an opinion only when asked.
(h) Don’t interrupt and finish sentences for others.
(j) Don’t wait for a pause to get your bit in.
(k) Don’t get carried away or rush through the conversation.
(l) Avoid false praise and self effusiveness.
(m) Brush up on the background of the person you are meeting.
(n) The oldest rule of the game, “It is not what you say that counts but how you say it.”
(o) To the other guy, you have the accent.
(p) The less men think, more they talk.
(q) Everyone you meet something of interest he have to tell you.
(r) Silence is one great art of conversation.
(s) Regardless of what you actually say, people will know where you are coming from.
27. Watch out
(a) Introduce yourself, smile and try not to say anything absurd.
(b) When asked how you are, don’t issue a detailed health bulletin.
(c) Weather is usually a bad topic, unless its on everyone’s mind.
(d) Do not brag, dominate the conversation or go on endlessly.
(e) Don’t look around for someone more interesting.
(f) Bad conversation clichés are best left unsaid.
(g) Don’t bare your soul to all.
(h) Avoid involved conversation with others.
(g) If the talk veers into uncomfortable areas, change the subject.
(j) Above all, don’t let the discussion turn into an argument.
(k) Don’t talk about your family, unless the other knows them.
(l) The art of conversation is not a gift one is born, but a skill that can be cultivated.
(m) If you are comfortable with yourself, you’ll be able to make others comfortable in a conversation.
28. Taboo Topics:- Age, Salary, Polities, Family, marriage, Relationships, Race & Religion official & confidential issues, Financial matters, Illness Personal Appearance, Gender soles & Sacred Cows.
29. Welcome Topics: - Sports, Culture, Arts, Travel, Tourism & Food.
30. The Untouchables
(a) The Bore (Talks only about himself)
(b) The now it all (Wants to play can-you-top-this)
(c) The loud mouth (Crude, aggravating, boorish)
(d) The whiner (Complains a lot)
(e) The ferret (Asks personal questions)
(f) The Entertainer (Wants to be centre of attraction)
(g) The Scanner (Scans the room for someone more interesting.
(h) The linguistic (Wants to show off his foreign language skills)
(j) Some things are best left unsaid.
31. Frame it as a Question
(a) Would it be alright if…….. ?
(b) Do you think you could………?
(c) Would it be possible to………..?
(d) Would you like to…………?
(e) I wonder if I may……….?
(f) Perhaps you could……….?
32. Other Soft Expressions
(a) I am afraid…….
(b) I wonder if……….
(c) I’m not so sure about that………
(d) If it’s not a problem………
(e) If you don’t mind………
(f) Perhaps you could try…….
(g) It might be a good idea to………
33. Agree to Disagree
(a) I could be wrong if……….
(b) Based on what I know……..
(c) My experience has been that……….
(d) I really don’t know if………..
(e) I am not so sure about that………….
(f) From what I have heard…………
(g) Yes, but don’t you think………..
34. Quotable Quips
(a) “A fox is one who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself”.
(b) “Be polite to bores and you shall always have bores around you”.
(c) “Those who take part in social conversation are bound to be either the bores or the bored and what you choose to be is a mere matter of selection.”
(d) “It is better to stay quiet and have people think you are fool than to speak up and remove all doubts”.
(e) “The sins of commission are far greater than the sins of Omission’, regrets are seldom for things left unsaid.
SOCIAL GRACES & COURTESIES
35. Poise and demeanor steer the course of our lives, the way you talk, act or react instantly, reveal a lot about you and subsequently you are responsible for the way people see you and respond towards you. Each little act of grace or courtesy shown earns you precious brownie points. And despite all the seams of pages written on any treatise as social graces, the first two words will always be “please” and “Thank you”.
36. Quotable Quotes/Quips
(a) “The smallest courtesies sweetens life, the greater ennobles it.”
- Bovee.
(b) “Life is not so short but there is always enough time for courtesy”.
- Emerson
(c) “Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures. Costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases whom who gives and him receives and thus like mercy, is twice blessed”. -Era Stus Wimen
(d) “Men, like bullets, go farthest when they are smoothest.”
- Jean Ruhter.
(e) “Despite all the realms of pages written on any treatise on social grease, the first two words will always be “Please” & Thank you”.
37. Some Do’s
(a) Taking a little extra effort.
(b) Curving assistance where needed.
(c) Holding open door.
(d) Offering the cab to someone.
(e) Waiting you turn in a queue.
(f) Always being on time.
(g) Knocking before entering.
(h) Opening the door gently.
(j) Allowing the others to pass first.
(k) Sharing what you have.
(l) Asking permission before interrupting.
(m) Not taking up too much of people time.
(n) Returning what you borrow.
(o) Getting you own if you need to borrow often.
(p) Asking permission before using someone’s belongings.
38. A true master of etiquettes appears simple and unpretentious, existing neither on false importance nor on formalities.
39. SOME DONT’S
(a) Staring or pointing at someone.
(b) Turning your back at someone.
(c) Glancing at one’s personal items.
(d) Yelling across the room.
(e) Eaves dropping on conversation.
(f) Arguing or swearing in front of others.
(g) Laughing at others mistake.
(h) Nit-picking about trivial matters.
(j) Bothering others with you problems.
(k) Making a scene in public.
(l) Indulging in or encouraging gossip.
(m) Fishing for compliments.
(n) Inquiring about someone’s medications.
(o) Asking someone how much some one paid for their clothes.
(p) Walking away or being inattentive while being spoken to.
(q) Don’t be rude to the rude person.
40. SPECIAL POINTERS
(a) Treat everyone with respect, irrespective of age, status etc.
(b) Be tactful, attentive, respectful, diplomatic.
(c) Appreciable, acknowledge, applaud.
(d) Concede a point graciously.
(e) Apologise when you are wrong.
(f) Avoid unpleasantness wherever possible.
(g) Keep tabs on people birthdays, interests, children names etc.
(h) Stay in touch through cards, letters, gifts.
(j) Remember few ours & reciprocate.
(k) Respect others need for privacy.
(l) Write down things if you tend to forget.
(m) Reimburse only expense incurred on your acct.
(n) Apologise for forgetting to do what you promised.
(o) Quite simply, make life little pleasant to someone.
(p) Lacking of polish is little more than lack of education.
41. POISE & DEMEANOR
(a) Poise & demeanor steer the course of our lives.
(b) Poise includes the way you walk, talk & carry yourself.
(c) “Walking Tall” is more than just a movie.
(d) A good posture and upright figure demotes character.
(e) Do not sit on the edge of the chair or slump.
(f) Sit gracefully on a chair without planking down.
(g) Avoid making wild & unnecessary gestures.
(h) Do not show your impatience openly
(j) Modesty, honesty, politeness and sincerity are a mark of true class.
(k) The ability to handle social situations suggests the skill to handle other things with equal ease.
42. On saying “Sorry”
(a) When you inconvenience someone.
(b) Accidentally bumping or coming in the way.
(c) Admitting to a goof up.
(d) Turning someone down.
(e) Polite form of disagreement.
(f) Not keeping a commitment.
(g) Not returning a call promptly.
(h) Being late for an appointment.
43. Minding your P’s & Thank Q’s
(a) Each time someone does something for you, than the person.
(b) Acknowledge the people regardless of how often you have to do it.
(c) If some one has helped you out during a visit, voice your appreciation.
(d) Always call or send a thank you note at the earliest.
(e) Subordinates and helper should also be thanked.
(f) It takes a very little to thank someone for an act of kindness.
(g) However, when not done, it is noted.
44. Elevator Etiquette
(a) Wait you turn.
(b) Inquire about the other’s floor.
(c) Don’t crowd.
(d) Don’t talk loudly.
(e) Avoid personal or business talk.
(f) Don’t prod with your belongings.
(g) Refrain from using the cell phone.
(h) Be nice to people on your way up; you may meet them on your way down.
45. She’s a lady
(a) Victorian ideals are not necessary old fashioned.
(b) Poise, charm and a certain detailment are quite appealing.
(c) Keep public sentiments in mind.
(d) Learn & cultivate a quiet sense of confidence.
(e) Dress modestly and taste fully.
(f) Do not become a slave to fads.
(g) Clothing should not be too fleshy tight, revealing or bizarre.
(h) Use make up to enhance, not overpower.
(j) Wear accessories & jewelry selectively.
(k) Don’t dress provocatively to garner business.
(l) A lady is a woman around whom a man behaves like a gentleman.
(m) A lady who wishes to be treated like one must behave as one.
46. IN MIXED COMPANY
(a) The gentleman walks ahead of the lady coming down the stairs.
(b) The gentleman lets the lady walks on the curbside to protect her from splashes & traffic.
(c) The gentleman follows the lady to the table at a restaurant.
(d) The gentleman precedes the lady to the car, theatre or cinema, to open the door.
(e) Chivalry is not yet dead.
CLOTHING, GROOMING & HYGIENE
47. “Clothes makes man”, more than that they “maketh” her expression, long before he has even begun to speak. In fact, very often, they speak for him. Constantly and precariously walking the tight rope between comfort and fashion, our choice of ward robe constitutes one of the most important decision for us, in our personal and professional lives. Small wonder then that a multi-million dollar apparel industry continues to serve up myriad choices for us, ensuring that we are “dressed to the hilt”, filled with confidence and ready to seize the day.
48. Why dress well?
(a) To appear neat, clean, presentable.
(b) To appear successful.
(c) To appear capable.
(d) To show respect.
49. Rudiments of Good Grooming Wash
50. Golden Rules of Grooming
(a) Grooming covers hair, clothing & body.
(b) Grooming & Hygiene never go out of fashion.
(c) Optimize aesthetics & comfort.
(d) Everything doesn’t suit everyone.
(f) Be neat and orderly in general.
(g) The first impression is often the last.
51. Clothing & Accessories
(a) Dress to suit your face, figure, personality.
(b) When in doubt, dress conservative.
(c) Adopt fashion & Shades that suit you.
(d) Avoid a jarring, distracting look.
(e) Sub deed colour usually work best.
(f) Bring out you best feature.
(g) Socks should not have holes.
(h) Keep shoes polished too.
(j) Be dissent and attractive without being garish and flamboyant.
52. Other Grooming Tips
(a) Clothes must be perfect cut, fit, metrical.
(b) Dross for the climate and activity.
(c) Always carry clean kerchief and comb.
(d) Ensure clothes are ironed out & wrinkle free.
(e) Remember, light shades dirty quicker.
(f) Keep the local dress code in mind.
(g) Pack something formal as well.
(h) Don’t be too casual or a fuddy-duddy.
(j) Keep nails short & clean.
(k) Check your appearance before meetings & after car rides.
(l) Don’t keep checking your reflection.
(m) Don’t let your pocket budge.
(n) Dab perfume without racking of it.
(o) Appear physically fit and healthy.
53. Additional Pointers
(a) Don’t economies on the full dress.
(b) Go easy on the chairs, scarves, pins, badges etc.
(c) Male jewelry is chosen with discrimination.
(d) Shave daily, trim your nails, keep your hair short.
(e) Pick the days wardrobe to fit the occasion.
(f) Do not wear the same outfit two days successively.
(g) Remember each country’s colour taboos (nothing bright in England, nothing yellow in middle for instance.
54. Elements of Hygiene
(a) Make sure hands & nails are clean.
(b) Cover mouth while coughing or sneezing.
(c) Don’t scratch, sniff or pick you nose.
(d) Watch out for a bad breath & stained teeth.
(e) Use a deodorant if necessary.
(f) Avo8id blowing into your Kerchief in Public.
(g) Don’t wipe your nose on the sleeve.
(h) Don’t wipe your hands on objects near by.
(j) Keep a box of tissues handy.
(k) Avoid eating at your desk at office.
(l) Use mints or brash after consuming strong foods.
(m) Keep the rest rooms clean.
(n) Keep your toilet clean.
(o) Don’t emerge from the tap with dripping hands.
(p) Change your socks regularly.
(q) Keep your feet clean too.
(r) Don’t make loud badly sounds – like belching clearing your throat etc.
(s) Even if you belong to Vatican
55. Early days: - The well healed gentleman is a contradiction of sorts. While his clothes must be perfect, they should not appear like they were paid much attention to. Instead, they must look like they are part of him. If he has three suits, he must wear them only every third day.
continued in ETIQUETTES-2
continued in ETIQUETTES-2
Very informative read.
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