Man's real purpose in Life

While on a journey, I met an educated Muslim.  He had a big well-furnished house, but there was no one to live there, except for himself and his wife.  In the course of conversation, I learnt that he had a son and a daughter, and he had given them the best education that he could afford after which they had gone abroad and become citizens there.  When I asked his wife whether she felt their absence, she replied, “I am happy that they are happy wherever they are!”

There are many such parents who have given their children the best education, but afterwards are left alone.  The parents live in their grand houses, but their lives are far from grand.  They have nothing to sustain them, except for memories.  This is the story of most affluent parents.  They earn money and build successful worlds for themselves; but later on, their hope-filled lives turn into lonely lives.

The principal reason for this is that they lead purposeless lives.  Their only purpose in life was to keep their children happy, and when the children left them, they had no other purpose.

Having a purpose in life depends upon one’s inner conviction.  It does not rely on the presence or the absence of people.  A man and a woman bind themselves in marriage in order to build a world of their own, but due to a lack of full commitment, they make their children the center of their lives.  Educating children is a responsibility, but not the sole purpose of life.  If parents understand this aspect of marriage, they will plan their lives accordingly, and will save themselves from disappointments later on.

The Secret of a Successful Family Life - The Faulty Role of Parents

A mother’s greatest concern should be to make her children succeed in life.  But mothers are naturally attached to their children, and therefore their hearts rule their heads.  In matters regarding their children, they do not follow reasons, and try to fulfill all the demands of their children.  By nature, every child is born pure.  But as he grows up, he deviates from his true nature.  It is a mother’s duty to play a constructive role in bringing up her children, so that they do not deviate from the true nature they were born with.

Mothers, in their love for their children, try to fulfill all their demands, and this makes them think that all of their wishes should be fulfilled.  But when the child grows up and comes into contact with the outside world, he learns the opposite.  This contradiction can yield negative results in young minds.  He learns that while he is loved and protected within the confines of his home, the outside world is bad and full of hostility.  This can make him confused, and unable to comprehend reality.  God has imbued the mother with immense love for her child, and the purpose of this love is to enable them to train their children with love and patience, show them the right path and give them the strength to face all odds.  But most mothers have turned their love to pampering their children, and so have led them astray from the nature God has intended for them.

The Secret of Successful Family Life - The Harm of Pampering

Some parents feel, out of love, that since their daughter shall have to do household chores after marriage in her new home, they exempt her from doing any work at home.  And so when the daughter eventually does marry, she is not accustomed to taking care of her new house or taking up new responsibilities.  This kind of love is not true love.

Such parents usually start preparing for their daughter’s dowry right after she is born.  In most cases this dowry is not put to any good use, and just becomes a means of temporary display.  The dowry does not, in any way help the daughter to establish her life in her new home.  Dowry has nothing to do with the role the daughter has to play in her in-law’s house.

The real task of the parents should be to prepare their daughter for the future, not just prepare her dowry.  She should be given an education, and proper training in social etiquette, so that she has the wisdom and fortitude to make her life a success.

Pampering, a part of the culture in many homes, is expressed in many ways.  Parents tend to pamper their children by trying for fulfill all their desires.  They often ignore the faults of their children, hoping that they will outgrow them.  Where things go wrong they mostly hold their children innocent and lay the blame on others. Some pamper their children at the cost of their health, in giving in to all their fancies about food and drinks, and in how they dress too.  Demonstrating one’s love in these ways is not commendable, for, as a result of this, children are not aware of the realities of life, and grow up spoilt.

The Home: A Factory for Producing Good Indivisuals

Preparing the next generation is a mother’s responsibility.  The human generation is like a flowing river, where the water is continually replaced.  In human beings too, the new replaces the old.  And a mother plays the crucial role of preparing this new generation.  The responsibility of supplying good human beings to very generation devolves upon her.

How to you define a good person? A good person is one who has the courage to face life; one who is endowed with a positive attitude, who is constructive and makes a positive congenial contribution to society.

What is a mother’s role in this regard? Let us illustrate this with the example of Nancy Alwa Edison, Thomas Elwa Edison’s (d 1931) mother.  Edison was hard of hearing from birth, and in consequence performed badly in school. He was eventually expelled as a retarded child.

But Edison’s mother played a constructive role in shaping her son’s future.  She implanted the idea in her son’s mind that he was not retarded, and that this impediment was a challenge.  She made Edison’s education her mission, and encouraged her son to use his natural abilities to overcome his obstacles.  The result is that Edison’s name is now recorded in history as that of a great scientist!

It is commonly believed that one born into a wealthy family is fortunate, while one born into a poor family is unfortunate.  Here too, a mother’s role is to make her child feel privileged no matter what the circumstances, and that even if one was not born with the proverbial silver spoon in one’s mouth, one still had the ‘incentive spoon’! She should also show her children how most of the successful people are where they are today because they struggled and worked hard to achieve what they have achieved today.

Likewise, a mother should teach her children not to divide people on the basis of the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’.  It is often seen that although certain individuals have been born into deprived families, they have risen to become members of the privileged classes! Therefore, the dichotomy is not between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’, but between ‘potential haves’ and ‘actual-haves’.  Therefore, it is important to have courage in life, coupled with a positive attitude.  It is the duty of every generation to imbue the next generation with the courage and maturity to face the realities of life.

The Secret of Successful Family Life - Emotionaism Vs Egoism

When a man and a woman tie the knot in marriage, it is a coming together of two opposite personalities.  A woman tends to be emotional, while a man tends to be egoistic.  These traits are a part of their nature.

There is a positive as well as a negative aspect to both these traits. If they are put to positive use, it will prove to be a boon to humanity.  But if they are put to negative use, it will prove to be a bane for humanity.

The positive aspect of egoism in man is that, it is one of the driving forces in working steadfastly for a cause.  A man bereft of this quality will be weak, lacking in will-power, and will fail to accomplish any task which requires determination and perseverance.  But the negative aspect is that it will make him arrogant.  Therefore, one must be very careful, and not allow one’s ego to sway one towards the negative side, as this would be counterproductive and brings one disrepute.

Similarly, a woman tends to be on the emotional side.  This trait too has its positive as well as its negative aspects.  The positive aspects is that she tends to be more sensitive, and therefore more gentle and compassionate, which is, without doubt, a positive quality.  But the negative aspect is that it can give her an obstinate personality, thus making her stubborn even when a flexible approach is necessary.  If a woman allows this aspect of her nature to go unchecked, it will be detrimental to the wholesome development of her personality.

A man and a woman, both, ought to understand the natural traits they are born with. They must consciously strive to make use of their positive aspects, and sedulously refrain from taking any negative course.  The secret of success in both men and women lies in this self-control.