The Secret of Successful Family Life - The Harm of Pampering

Some parents feel, out of love, that since their daughter shall have to do household chores after marriage in her new home, they exempt her from doing any work at home.  And so when the daughter eventually does marry, she is not accustomed to taking care of her new house or taking up new responsibilities.  This kind of love is not true love.

Such parents usually start preparing for their daughter’s dowry right after she is born.  In most cases this dowry is not put to any good use, and just becomes a means of temporary display.  The dowry does not, in any way help the daughter to establish her life in her new home.  Dowry has nothing to do with the role the daughter has to play in her in-law’s house.

The real task of the parents should be to prepare their daughter for the future, not just prepare her dowry.  She should be given an education, and proper training in social etiquette, so that she has the wisdom and fortitude to make her life a success.

Pampering, a part of the culture in many homes, is expressed in many ways.  Parents tend to pamper their children by trying for fulfill all their desires.  They often ignore the faults of their children, hoping that they will outgrow them.  Where things go wrong they mostly hold their children innocent and lay the blame on others. Some pamper their children at the cost of their health, in giving in to all their fancies about food and drinks, and in how they dress too.  Demonstrating one’s love in these ways is not commendable, for, as a result of this, children are not aware of the realities of life, and grow up spoilt.

The Home: A Factory for Producing Good Indivisuals

Preparing the next generation is a mother’s responsibility.  The human generation is like a flowing river, where the water is continually replaced.  In human beings too, the new replaces the old.  And a mother plays the crucial role of preparing this new generation.  The responsibility of supplying good human beings to very generation devolves upon her.

How to you define a good person? A good person is one who has the courage to face life; one who is endowed with a positive attitude, who is constructive and makes a positive congenial contribution to society.

What is a mother’s role in this regard? Let us illustrate this with the example of Nancy Alwa Edison, Thomas Elwa Edison’s (d 1931) mother.  Edison was hard of hearing from birth, and in consequence performed badly in school. He was eventually expelled as a retarded child.

But Edison’s mother played a constructive role in shaping her son’s future.  She implanted the idea in her son’s mind that he was not retarded, and that this impediment was a challenge.  She made Edison’s education her mission, and encouraged her son to use his natural abilities to overcome his obstacles.  The result is that Edison’s name is now recorded in history as that of a great scientist!

It is commonly believed that one born into a wealthy family is fortunate, while one born into a poor family is unfortunate.  Here too, a mother’s role is to make her child feel privileged no matter what the circumstances, and that even if one was not born with the proverbial silver spoon in one’s mouth, one still had the ‘incentive spoon’! She should also show her children how most of the successful people are where they are today because they struggled and worked hard to achieve what they have achieved today.

Likewise, a mother should teach her children not to divide people on the basis of the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’.  It is often seen that although certain individuals have been born into deprived families, they have risen to become members of the privileged classes! Therefore, the dichotomy is not between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’, but between ‘potential haves’ and ‘actual-haves’.  Therefore, it is important to have courage in life, coupled with a positive attitude.  It is the duty of every generation to imbue the next generation with the courage and maturity to face the realities of life.

The Secret of Successful Family Life - Emotionaism Vs Egoism

When a man and a woman tie the knot in marriage, it is a coming together of two opposite personalities.  A woman tends to be emotional, while a man tends to be egoistic.  These traits are a part of their nature.

There is a positive as well as a negative aspect to both these traits. If they are put to positive use, it will prove to be a boon to humanity.  But if they are put to negative use, it will prove to be a bane for humanity.

The positive aspect of egoism in man is that, it is one of the driving forces in working steadfastly for a cause.  A man bereft of this quality will be weak, lacking in will-power, and will fail to accomplish any task which requires determination and perseverance.  But the negative aspect is that it will make him arrogant.  Therefore, one must be very careful, and not allow one’s ego to sway one towards the negative side, as this would be counterproductive and brings one disrepute.

Similarly, a woman tends to be on the emotional side.  This trait too has its positive as well as its negative aspects.  The positive aspects is that she tends to be more sensitive, and therefore more gentle and compassionate, which is, without doubt, a positive quality.  But the negative aspect is that it can give her an obstinate personality, thus making her stubborn even when a flexible approach is necessary.  If a woman allows this aspect of her nature to go unchecked, it will be detrimental to the wholesome development of her personality.

A man and a woman, both, ought to understand the natural traits they are born with. They must consciously strive to make use of their positive aspects, and sedulously refrain from taking any negative course.  The secret of success in both men and women lies in this self-control.

The Secret of Successful Family Life - A source of Comfort

The 30^th Chapter of the Qur’an says, “He created for you from among yourselves spouses so that you may find repose in them.” ‘Repose’ or ‘comfort’ here does not only mean comfort in a marriage; it also refers to the contribution a peaceful partner makes towards playing a greater role in life.

A unified effort alone enables great tasks to be accomplished in this world.  A solitary person cannot perform any great feat.  The first and most natural form of this united feat is for a man and a woman to come together in marriage.  This brings two souls together, and this unity of the two souls is the only unity that produces mutual trust and love.

The coming together of a man and a woman in marriage creates the greatest companionship in this world.  If both the husband and wife realize this and take it as a blessing from God, they can unitedly perform such great feats that no other human companionship can ever accomplish.

Take the example of the famous French couple Pierre Curie (d 1906) and Mary Curie (d 1934), who unitedly performed great feats in the field of modern science. Their work was acknowledged, and they were duly awarded the Nobel Prize in 1903 and 1911.  This same potential is waiting to be discovered in other men and women too.  Any couple can achieve success in their special fields and help in the shaping of history.

Nature has endowed men and women with great capabilities.  Anyone who recognizes his role and works hard can achieve success in his own particular field.  Unfortunately, the superior role of women has not been fully recognized either by the western or eastern world.

The Secret of a Successful Family Life - Woman a Supporter

The Second Chapter of the Qur’an says : “Your wives are a tilth for you”.  Go then, into your tilth as you will Do good deeds, and fear God and know that you shall meet him.  And give good tidings to believers.”

In this verse, the words ‘do good deeds’ sum up the basic theme.  This central explains the full verse, which means that one should be engaged in activities which are beneficial for the future.  Man must prepare himself for all the different tests in life, so that he may gain a place in the world to come.  This should be the goal of a person in life.  The verse further says that one should try to understand how a woman relates to this goal in life.  God has created woman to support man in life, just as the field supports the farmer in the subsistence of life.

This verse of the Qur’an was revealed in Makkah at a time when people were debating about the role of woman in life.  People those days knew only two things about women : sexual satisfaction and the continuation of the human race.

But the Qur’an says that over and above those two things, a woman extends a supporting hand in building a successful life.  Therefore, man should utilize this provision, gifted by nature, and work at building successful lives for themselves.  Any other concept of a woman – less dignified than this-belittles a woman’s position.  A man and a woman come together in marriage so that they may unitedly play their part in building a greater role in human life.