1. We
mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in
certain ways – the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
2. When
men and women are able to respect and accept their differences, then love has a
chance to blossom.
3. A
man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
4. To
offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or
that he can’t do it on his own.
5. A
woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her
relationships.
6. When
a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to “help” a man, she has no idea of
how critical and unloving she may sound to him.
7. There
are times when he needs her loving acceptance the most and not her advice or
criticism. Many a times a woman just
wants to share her feelings about her day, and her husband, thinking he is
helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems.
8. Most
common mistakes we make in relationships:-
(a) A man tries to change a woman’s feelings
when she is upset by becoming
Mr Fix-it and offering solutions to her problems that invalidate her
feelings.
(b) A woman tries to change a man’s behavior
when he makes mistakes by becoming the home improvement committee and offering
unsolicited advice or criticism.
9. When
our partner resists us, it is probably because we have made a mistake in our
timing or approach.
10. To
feel better men go to their caves to solve problems alone. To feel better women get together and openly
talk about their problems.
11. A
woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her
problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.
12. To
forget her own painful feelings a woman may become emotionally involved in the
problems of others.
13. Men
are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they
feel cherished.
14. Given
the opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self only when
he feels he cannot succeed. Often he regresses back to his old selfish ways.
15. Not
to be needed is a slow death of a man.
16. A
woman’s tendency to be compulsive relaxes as she remembers that she is worthy
of love, she doesn’t have to earn it; she can relax, gives less and receive
more she deserves it.
17. A
man deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent.
18. Just
as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.
19. It
is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed
because he feels like a failure.
20. The
men and women languages had the same words but the way they were used give
different meaning.
21. To
fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license to use various
superlatives, metaphors and generalizations.
22. The
number one complaint women have in relationship is “I don’t feel heard”. Even
this complaint is misunderstood by men.
23. The
biggest challenge for women is correctly to interpret and support a man when he
isn’t talking.
24. When
a man is silent it is easy for a woman to imagine the worst.
25. Never
go into a man’s cave or you’ll be burned by the dragon.
26. It
is very difficult for man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.
27. A
woman should not be judged for needing this reassurance, just as man should not
e judged for needing to withdraw.
28. When
a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get
closer.
29. A
man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.
30. When
negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings becomes suppressed as well,
and love dies.
31. Men
agree for the right to be free while woman argue for the right to be
upset. Men want grace while woman want
understanding.
32. By
supporting her need to be heard, she should support his need to be free.
33. It
puts too much pressure on a man to make him the only source to love and
support.
34. As
a woman’s financial needs are fulfilled she becomes more aware of her emotional
needs.
35. Primary needs:-
Woman needs to receive Man needs to receive
a. Caring a. Trust
b. Understanding b Acceptance
c. Respect c. Appreciation
d. Devotion d. Admiration
e. Validation e. Approval
f. Reassurance f. Encouragement
36. Fulfilling
a primary need is required before one is able fully to receive and appreciate
the other kinds of love.
37. A
man commonly makes the mistake of thinking that once he had met all of a
woman’s primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, that she should
know from then on that she is loved.
38. The
secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him. The best way to help a man grow is to let go
trying to change him in any way.
39. Four ‘F’s for avoiding getting
hurt in arguments:-
(a) Fight. Intimidation
weakens trust.
(b) Flight. Refuse
to talk, passive aggressive.
(c) Fake. Resentment
blocks expression.
(d) Fold. Take
the blame & assume responsibility.
40. Man
rarely says ‘I am sorry, because on Mars it means you have done something wrong
and you are apologizing.
41. Most
arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman’s feelings and she
responds to him disapprovingly.
42. The
most common way woman unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when
they share their feelings.
43. Men
are most prone to argue when they have made a mistake or upset the woman they
love.
44. When
a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores
one point, and each gift has equal value.
